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Monday, February 20, 2006

Breakfast at Tiffany's

you say we've got nothing in common..
no common grounds to start from..
and we're falling apart..

How important are common grounds? are we better off with people that are so similar to us in temperament and character, or do opposites really attract in this case?

How about culture? different cultures clash all the time, but do they ruin relationships or nurture them? do you prefer going out with someone of the same or different culture, why? how about spending the rest of your life and starting your little breed of culture-mix??

and i said "what about Breakfast at Tiffany's"
she said "i think i remember the film..
and as i recall i think we both kinda liked it"
and i said "well that's one thing we've got"..

Comments on "Breakfast at Tiffany's"


Blogger Delirious said ... (3:56 AM) : 

Welcome Laila among us! :)


Blogger La La said ... (1:50 PM) : 

Bienvenue Laila!

p.s. In my opinion, I believe much of what you are asking has to do with maturity.


Blogger laila said ... (2:44 PM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Blogger laila said ... (4:19 PM) : 

thanks guys. but you didnt answer my question! i went out for 2 years with a german guy and it was great (with ups and downs) until it was time to make serious decisions, there were a lot of basic cultural differences and it could not have worked out. but i think it might have been different if he was greek or italian or spanish because our cultures are much more similar. but in a way for a long term relationship i think i would prefer same culture, from my experience at least.


Blogger La La said ... (4:55 PM) : 

I have been in this situation soooo many times, even with someone from the same culture (religious difference). I guess there is no easy answer Laila. A good friend of mine says that with understanding and communication, anything is possible, and that two people can achieve common ground. But sometimes I have to disagree with him. Thus, I haven't been able to answer this myself. *sigh*


Blogger Zanzounito said ... (9:02 PM) : 


I have to live with this question everyday...and it's comforting to know that there are people out there who also had to face this dilemma...be it a Vietnamese or Indian girl

There are some people out there who are very elitist when it comes to there culture..

On one hand, it is good to marry someone with a common ground who understands quirky things about your culture (i.e. abu abed jokes or the kissing on the cheeks)..it establishes a common linkage that is harder to form with a person from another culture...

BUT I am a strong believer that love overcomes all obstacles, including culutural differences, financial..whatever it may be..(yes, a romantic at heart:))

THEN there is another MAJOR factor: the family!!!

If I ever decide to wed a guy that is not in my culture, I would sever all ties with my family...so the question (at least for me) is: Would he be worth it???


Blogger linalone said ... (10:51 PM) : 

HI Girls,
Very nice and important especially that those days there are more and more mixed couples.As for me, i 've had such a dilemna twice; the first there was personal and religious problems. He was christian and practicant and i was born muslim. And i was afraid of my parents.
But all is different in the second case, we are very close personalities and conceptions about this world. He doesn't believe in religions and do live in a nearby country. e have found our selves in each other. SO i don't care, this is my guy and i want to spend the rest of my life with him wherever we decide to.


Blogger Vox Populi - Agent Provocateur said ... (11:07 PM) : 

In my case, opposite attracts, no doubt about it.


Blogger Maldoror said ... (11:49 PM) : 

I believe this problem cannot be tackled easily in a Lebanese society as there are many obstacles standing in the way, esp. when it comes to religious beliefs. However, this is not due to our political system or anything, it is related to the ever-predominant presence of the "sacred" familial pattern in our society. This goes without mentioning that some people have come to venere their parents.
On the other hand, two adult and mature people can reach that level of homogeneity and understanding and bridge the gaps between them, once they get rid of their parents' grip on them.
Once that major obstacle demolished, there is nothing much that stands in the way, because difference can be a major source of richness especially if it is a cultural one.
One can live his whole life with his own perception about God and not share it with anyone, but a rich cultural background opens the door towards more chances to reach harmony inside a couple.


Blogger callipyge said ... (8:28 PM) : 

I'm married to an American and I couldn't be happier. I love my family and my friends from Lebanon but I suffocate when I only hang out with Lebanese. I like intercultural relationships because they encourage you to make your own rules rather than blindly follow what is customary in your country.

I do miss Lebanon a lot and sometimes, when we have little fights, I do miss being surrounded by people who "think like me"; but I like the challenge too much.

I think the reason this works so well for me is that:
A- I am quite acultural and feel more like a "citizen of the world" than anything else.
B- He comes from a very open and well-traveled family so he is not very different from me.

What matters more, I guess, is less the passport differences but rather the family culture: if your significant other was raised in a similar way you were, then you have some common ground, regardless of where he is from.

Oh, we also have different religions but neither of us is religious so that's cool.


Blogger nour said ... (8:34 PM) : 

zanzounito, i agree with you..
but for the ability to overcome the differences i guess it requires maturiy, wisdom and acceptance of the other.
Still, i prefer to have a multi-cultural family.


Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said ... (4:32 AM) : 


I come from a big Druze family while my soulmate whom i will call BM comes from a big Muslim family. Although i am a Druze in origin, i am an Islam convert since 15 years now. I believe and practice Islamic religion in my daily life, as for the Druze i only respect their beleifs for i am Druze in origin and that's that. It's been two years for me and BM being together and you can't imagine the fights i go through from my parents and some relatives and druze friends who know about us. They always tell me first to think about my parents and what i will do to them and how society will mark them! Then they tell me about the differences of life between Druze and Islam especially all that marrying 4 women and wearing hijab (head cover). They tell me about the differences between people from Beirut (his origin) and people from El Jabal (my origin) [stereotypes,stereotypes,stereotypes]. They see it as if i am throwing myself into the wrong cirlce to success in life. I should also mention that these talks are coming from people who know BM in person and love him dearly as their daughter's/relatives' friend but not as her future husband. Ya3ni mitil Allah Yisi3dou W Yibi3dou (May God protect him but also keep him away).

While in reality, BM and i get along so much for we agree on the basics of a successful marriage. We do know the differences between us which are really just habits more than beleifs but this is normal as long as you have the BASE. I see him as the best father i could ever wish for my kids and i do wish to spend my whole life with him no matter what happens to be there.

Cultures and traditions do play a big role in our life especially when it comes to marriage and religion. I am 27 yrs and i've been fasting going to mosques etc. since 15 yrs but it was always fine with my parents for no one knew besides i was doing it for God. But now that i want to get married, everyone is against me and my beliefs for it is going to go PUBLIC!!!! Yes what a mentality, but i cannot blame anyone for this is the fact of the society we live in. I adore my parents and respect them so much and so does he and that is what is keeping us from taking the next move. And by the way in his case, the parents still do not know for that would put us in more situations which we are in no need of at the moment, we're taking it one hard parents at a time. Besides there isn't much differences from his side as much as from mine.

I do not see any problem in marrying him, nor differences in raising the kids, nor difficulties in living with his family in Beirut for i am a sociable maniac and get along with anyone besides this is the family or trend i would want to use to build my family with Friday prayers, Ramadan Fastings, and much more.

Wish you all the best and trust me when you have the BASE nothing will be difficult between you and him/her so you should save the energy for the people around you and the clashes of cultures which you will get through if you're both in the same place of agreement ;)

Trust me if BM was Druze in origin my dad would have FORCED me to marry him, while if i was a Muslim in origin i would have occupied the Top of his mother's list of Brides for she really loves me dearly!

Mittikleen 3a Allah (In God we Trust) ;)


Blogger Xavier Grant said ... (5:03 PM) : 

Multicultures are beautiful, and healthy, and even natural. No culture is perfect and all of them have beauty and wisdom. The encounter of cultures is a way to enlightment because it makes possible to see yourself.

I think to cross cultures is a natural way to heal them.

I'm argentinian. My great grandparents were from at least 6 different cultures... And I like what we are, even with the problems of self definition we could carry.

To be extremely defined may make things easier... but almost always close nice options to do it.

Love is the answer, I think. And I'm really not naive...


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